I wink a girl from okcupid, heu_mihi. She responds:
Your profile tells me that we might mesh better than most, but that you are probably too antagonistic for my delicate sensibilities.
If you're bored while I'm bored try my AIM Louisilla.
Louise
ps; I like that you like The Cruise.
So of course I immediately start talking to her.
tommyb80: Estimate the percent chance that god exists?
louisilla: Your IM conversation with louisilla will be saved in louisilla's IM history in Gmail from now on. Learn more at http://x.aim.com/gmail.
louisilla: I suck at numbers
louisilla: crazy wizard shit that is
tommyb80: do it faggot
louisilla: shit
louisilla: I would have responded earlier but an email I was sending required me to do the maths
louisilla: I will give god a 5% chance
louisilla: I am at all events generous
tommyb80: Cool. Can you link me to your blog / myspace / facebook / pictures page / webpage?
louisilla: fuck / that / shit
tommyb80: pretty please =(
louisilla: okay hang on
tommyb80: mwah
louisilla: http://www.flickr.com/photos/oimoi
tommyb80: Do you think homosexuality is an evolved adaptation?
louisilla: sure why not
tommyb80: you're cute =(
louisilla: whar?
louisilla: thanks
tommyb80: Do you have a boyfriend?
louisilla: I can't even remember the last time I had a boyfried
tommyb80: When was the last time you had sex?
louisilla: OH
louisilla: december 30
louisilla: he's seeing his ex now
tommyb80: Wanna hang out?
louisilla: maybe
louisilla: sure
louisilla: I could hang
tommyb80: Now?
louisilla: what?
tommyb80: Umm... movie? ;P
tommyb80: Have you seen Aeon Flux, the old MTV cartoon?
louisilla: I have class at 2 and I'm sure there are things I need to do in order to prepare for class
louisilla: yes
tommyb80: 2am?
louisilla: pm
louisilla: but I read cuneiform
louisilla: which eats time up like a mofo
tommyb80: Estimate the percent chance that you hang out with me tonight?
louisilla: I have done more than enough maths for tonight
tommyb80: You are refusing to answer my question. Why do you hate honesty and transparency and love so much? =..(
louisilla: because it is difficult to be fully honest and transparent when you do not know yourself
tommyb80: Just give honesty an honest effort! Go go go!
tommyb80: You can do it!
louisilla: in respect to what?
tommyb80: ESTIMATE THE PERCENT CHANCE THAT YOU HANG OUT WITH ME TONIGHT
louisilla: okay, let us walk through the events
louisilla: I've had a shit fuck day
louisilla: fucking march for life fucking fuckwit retard parade
tommyb80: haha <3
louisilla: I have readings of akkadian texts, latin paleography and greek prose composition tomorrow
louisilla: and I have to pick up my cat from the airport tomorrow
louisilla: so I dunno
louisilla: I don't even know what's happening 10 minutes from now
tommyb80: More or less than 30%?
louisilla: because I am a bit drunk
tommyb80: Ah, that's why you're so easy!
tommyb80: Dang.
tommyb80: I guess I better push hard tonight, before you sober up.
louisilla: I am so easy because I am easily persuaded by humans
louisilla: my roommate
louisilla: I want to join him for a ciggy
tommyb80: ok =(
louisilla: be back in 10-20?
tommyb80: ok
louisilla: lights off to save power
louisilla: ok
tommyb80: ok
louisilla: sup
tommyb80: Are you too drunk to drive?
louisilla: no drive
tommyb80: Can I come over?
louisilla: why, so you can bed me?
tommyb80: That would be the preferred result, but just hanging out would be an improvement on my present situation.
louisilla: but I haven't even decided whether or not you're attractive yet
tommyb80: Well, this will help you decide!
tommyb80: But don't get your hopes up. =(
louisilla: I see
louisilla: unattractive motherfucker
tommyb80: sigh
louisilla: sadness?
tommyb80: Um, nah, just rhetorical responses, I guess, so that you know I'm still here.
tommyb80: Going for minimal responses in hopes of not distracting you, in hopes that you actually answer my question and say I can come over. ;P
tommyb80: go go go
louisilla: ground rules
tommyb80: woot
louisilla: how long would it take you tget over here?
tommyb80: dunno, 30 minutes? Give me your address?
She gives me a DC address.
tommyb80: I tend to get lost as fuck in DC, so potentially add another hour to that. ;P
louisilla: I find myself unconvinced
tommyb80: sweet. how drunk are you?
louisilla: I've decided to switch to water
tommyb80: google maps says 24 minutes. give me your phone number?
louisilla: why, so I can feel bad about being unable to direct you when you call?
tommyb80: mmm, so when I get there but can't see the street addresses because it's too dark, I can be like "are you the yellow house on the right?" and also many more potential scenarios. Also, I guess it makes it more likely that you're not just fucking with me.
louisilla: are you sure you wouldn't rather wait for a more propitious occasion?
tommyb80: yup
tommyb80: Hot asian drunk girl letting me come over? How can you get more propitious than that? ;P
louisilla: am I sure I wouldn't rather wait for a more propitious occasion?
tommyb80: Don't think about it too hard, sweety pie! Number please.
louisilla: you have yet to convince me that I like you
tommyb80: Hmph.
tommyb80: Um, what kinds of guys do you like?
louisilla: large
tommyb80: Like, big dicks?
louisilla: of course
tommyb80: Dang. =(
louisilla: but muscles as well
tommyb80: Crap. =(
louisilla: you fail so soon
tommyb80: How about slouching skinny guys with bad teeth who never leave their apartment?
louisilla: been there, done that
tommyb80: They have their charm, yes? Hmph.
louisilla: I prefer big dicks with some heft
tommyb80: Uh... but I'm smart! I'm pretty tough at world of warcraft!
tommyb80: *flex*
tommyb80: What did you score on the SAT?
louisilla: I don't give a shit about numbers
tommyb80: But I do!
louisilla: I read dead languages and I read them well
louisilla: I am afraid you have done little to convince me to give you the opportunity if that to bed me
tommyb80: Umm... my dick is super duper big.
louisilla: you lie
tommyb80: yeah
louisilla: pity
tommyb80: I dunno, want a backrub? Heh.
tommyb80: My mommy says I give good backrubs. ;P
louisilla: I want a foot massage
tommyb80: Ok, I'm down.
louisilla: can you even do those?
tommyb80: Sure.
louisilla: I remain unconvinced
tommyb80:
tommyb80: Er, how good are my foot massages?
incendiarywit11: i give you a 4 out of 10
thomas: damn
tommyb80: I thought i was better than that. =(
louisilla: that's pretty shit, yeah
tommyb80: I dunno, I can bring over Aeon Flux. ;P
louisilla: seen it
tommyb80: I have "The Chocolate War" and "Heights" from netflix. ;P
louisilla: don't know don't care
tommyb80: or we could watch netflix movies online with my account ;P
tommyb80: Romeo + Juliet, the MTV production, maybe.
louisilla: blerg
tommyb80: I could help you with your homework.
louisilla: how are you at cuneiform?
tommyb80: Eheh... jk.
tommyb80: I could drive us to my apartment and we could play ping pong? ;P
louisilla: I have shit to do in the morning and class to do after that
tommyb80: We could cuddle and let loose the dark desperate poetry in our souls?
louisilla: that sounds terribly pathetic
tommyb80: Dang, this is hard.
tommyb80: I dunno, any tips?
louisilla: sorry, I gave you all the tips and they're all sort of accidents of nature
tommyb80: Let me come over please.
louisilla: Give me three good reasons
tommyb80: How many have I given you so far?
louisilla: save your personality which I read on the dang website?
louisilla: 0
tommyb80: Um... you might end up liking me for hard to quantify reasons and we might become good friends / lovers? ;P
louisilla: that was a joke
louisilla: that's what the emoticon means, right?
tommyb80: It was serious. I don't think the emoticon means anything. Or if it does, it's too subtle for me. Just an ancient habit.
tommyb80: It might be more entertaining than whatever you're doing right now?
louisilla: I am engaging in a flirtation with a married colleague
tommyb80: And... um, seize the day! Is that three yet? ;P
louisilla: if that were three I am unaware of what the first two are
tommyb80: sigh
louisilla: have you given up then?
tommyb80: Mmm... no. I'm willing it to happen.
louisilla: perhaps you ought to work on your charms
louisilla: do you have charms?
tommyb80: Dunno.
louisilla: all right then
louisilla: I have two speaking engagements next week with folk, funnily enough, do not entertain me as much as you do
tommyb80: Er... I'm having trouble untangling that... was that actually a compliment?
tommyb80: I'm afraid you stumbled over your words because you're drunk. ;P
louisilla: I have been told I have a habit of torturous circumlocutions
tommyb80: Can I come over?
louisilla: if you came over, you wouldn't arrive until after midnight, I'll have sobered up by then
tommyb80: That's fine.
tommyb80: please?
louisilla: I don't think so, we haven't engendered anything even close to a level of intimacy that would let me be okay with whatever your intentions were with respect to coming over here
tommyb80: k
louisilla: let's try this weekend
tommyb80: ok =)
louisilla: my cat will be here
louisilla: how do you feel about cats?
tommyb80: I like cats a lot. ;P
louisilla: is that irony?
tommyb80: My mom says that when I was a kid, I spent a whole week communicating only through meows. And that I almost choked to death eating cat food.
louisilla: amazing
tommyb80: Last time I had a house cat, I think I spent several hours a day petting it. ;P
louisilla: interesting
tommyb80: Can I have more pictures of you?
louisilla: I'm afraid they're not going to be body shots
tommyb80: That's cool.
louisilla: what do you want? my webcam isn't even working right now
tommyb80: How about a picture of you looking at the camera saying "What?! But I'm only 13!!"
louisilla: I don't have any of those in my library
tommyb80: Dang.
tommyb80: Will you let me listen to you masturbate?
louisilla: no
I kind of thought she was half-nigger when I first started looking at her pictures. Weird.
I keep having this weird, vague dream pattern about her... that I'm playing music, and the speakers are really loud, and the vibrations in the floor turn her on, so she takes off her clothes and sits down. Or I'm producing sounds that excite her, and doing signal processing on them? Additive synthesis.
Jerking off while thinking about her, over and over, but I can't really get into it, and my dick is chafed as hell, and my orgasms and emissions are tiny and forced. Like I can't really see her. Like her face and expressions aren't real. She's talking in a language I don't understand.
I guess maybe I should've just cut the chatter and started driving as soon as she gave me an address. Maybe I would've gotten fucked.
I got a new iMac today. It's beautiful.